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The Fundamentals
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Ken Orford

Satirical Play

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A family- the Fletchers - is sitting down to dinner. There is David (Dad), Miriam (Mum), Rebecca (age 17), Peter (age 15) and Ruth (Age 11). They are in the middle of saying Grace.
David … and finally, Lord, we thank you again that you have seen fit to provide us with an elected God fearing Government that has enabled us to adopt the laws you ordained in your Holy word. Amen
All Amen
David Dig in to the Lord’s fine feast. Well, what sort of a day did we all have?
Ruth At school today we had “Show and Tell”. James Walker brought in a toy dinosaur, and he said that it had been proved that dinosaurs were over 50 million years old.
Miriam Oh my. What did the teacher say?
Ruth Well, she said that he ought to know better, and that the Bible says the whole world is only 5,400 years old. But then he said ‘Prove it!’
David Goodness. I blame the parents, he must get these crazy ideas from somewhere. So what did Miss Bradshaw do then?
Ruth Well, she said that the Bible was proof itself, and told him to go straight to the Headmaster. I think he got suspended, and social services are going to see his parents.
Miriam Well if he comes back I don’t want you talking to him.
David Well, I’ve heard bad things about that family – I wouldn’t mind betting they’ll be cast out.
Ruth Daddy, where do people go that have been cast out?
David Well, a lot of them live in the boxtown, just outside the city limits. But most of them try to leave the country and go a live in a heathen country. But they are all full, so it’s pretty difficult to get out.
At this point a woman in ragged clothes comes in and clears the dishes and starts to serve the next course.
Peter   Hey, why don’t we just take them on as slaves? I’m sure they’d be better than the ones we’ve got now.
He looks at his plate and turns to the woman
Peter  This plate is dirty!
He clips the woman round the ear! No one says anything.
Rebecca
Oh come on Peter, you ought to know the answer to that – you must have done it for your Scripture GCSE O Level. Leviticus Chapter 25 tells us we have to treat slaves differently if they believers or unbelievers. It says "You shall not rule over him ruthlessly; you shall fear your God”. And we have to free them every seven years. But for non believers we can do what we like with them.
Peter Oh that was next on my revision list.
Rebecca We had a bit of excitement at school as well.
David What happened to you?
Rebecca Well, Sarah came to school with a kilt on!
Ruth Was it too short?
Rebecca Oh no, it was below the knee but kilts are forbidden garments!
Ruth Why?
Rebecca Leviticus 19:19 tells us we mustn’t wear clothes made out of more than one type of thread. So she had to go home and change.
Miriam I hope you’ve all remembered that it’s your cousin Jessica’s wedding on Saturday. So if you want anything special washed, let the slaves know.
David I’m glad that she and Susan are tying the knot. I was wondering if they’d ever get round to it.
Peter I suppose that’s about the only advantage of being a woman. You get to chose if you want to marry a man or a woman.
Ruth Why can’t men marry each other, mum?
Miriam Peter, this will be good revision for you. You tell her.
Peter Well, sis. Leviticus Chapter 18 verse 22 says “Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence”. So you see homosexuality is specifically forbidden for men, but it’s okay for women.
They eat in silence for a while.
Ruth  Mum?
Miriam  Yes, Ruthie?
Ruth  If I get all my homework done, can I go to the stoning?
David and Miriam look at each other.
Miriam I don’t know darling. You may not like it.
Ruth But all the other kids are going. And I’ve never seen one.
Miriam Well, I suppose you have to go sometime…
Ruth Yippee!
Peter and Rebecca object together.
Peter That’s not fair
Rebecca What? I was thirteen before you let me go.
Miriam But things are different nowadays. Children grow up so much faster. Remember, when your Dad and I were growing up there were no stonings.
Peter Well I hope you’re not going to let her come to the burning next week. Those three people from the next street that were caught together.
Ruth Why are they not being stoned, like the two people tonight?
David Well, Leviticus 20:10 tells us that adulterers – like the two people tonight – must be just stoned to death. But 20:14 says explicitly if a man knows his wife and her mother, then all three are to be burned.
Miriam I can’t imagine what would make anyone want to do that.
David looks at the picture of his Mother-in-Law on the sideboard..
David  Neither can I. ..neither can I.


© Ken Orford, 2008



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